Shouldn’t it be as simple as when do you *feel* more clean: After wiping yourself with a wad of paper, or after a soapy shower? No one has presented a significant argument against experimenting with new cleaning ideas.

It’s also worth pointing out the correlation between following the laws of Kosher and following the ass-cleansing status quo. In both cases, your Jewishness seems to want to stand in the way of innovation.

Point: Jew.

Here is a brief list of the logical fallacies you are employing in your “argument.”

Guilt by association — My being in Washington D.C. for a week has nothing to do with my ability to assess whether or not this argument is so stupid that only a crooked person could support it. At least, is bears less than on the issue than your “career” in high-tech inclines you to accept purportedly innovative solutions to things that are not broken in the first place. (leading to the next two).

Appeal to novelty — The fact that nobody else does this does not make it a good idea.

False dilemma — Unless you’re going to attribute the rise of colorectal cancer to improper wiping techniques, there’s really no “there” there.

Burden of proof/appeal to ignorance — You have not presented any evidence that this is actually more sanitary, just relied on my inability to disprove your assertion.

Fallacy of composition — A related fallacy in which you equate anuses to dishes, when one is ceramic and the other is attached to an immune system.