Work(ing Title)

Elliot Lebeouf, who’s credits include The Molly Song (which I’ll explain to another time), is becoming a blogger for the ages. With posts like the insightful commentary girls are cold, the gripping thriller UPS, and the tour de force saturday night back at college, Elliot really shows his range. He now has brought us something truely special, and close to my heart:

in the mid 1980s, steve neal was a member of an exclusive chicago anti-crime squad. similar to donnie brasco, steve neal was forced undercover to unearth many of the secrets of the chicago mafia. it was a tuesday night in february when things got a little too hot, and steve neal was found to be wearing a wire. at that point, paul “little paulie” direnzo took steve neals hand and placed his ring finger into a cigar cutter. steve neal was to admit that he was a fed, or else his finger was to be cut off. however, steve neal kept his cool, and his finger remained intact. this is not the story of how he lost his finger.

Clearly Elliot is a friend and a storyteller, so let’s cut the bullshit and get to the absolutely mostly true story of…steve neals finger.

Last resort when your only ingredients are bread, peanut butter, cookies, and no jelly.

In order to visit Elizabeth freqently, it’s got to be cheap. This box is probably the most cost-effective, and plus I hear the FedEx guys are really gentle.

Maybe I should send down an extra-If Jana can fit into this bag, then they could easily have her live in my shipping box and then sublet her old room!

I found most of this yesterday, and sent it to Elizabeth earlier this morning. I give her advance access because I like her more than all of you combined:

Star Wars photo: Chewbacca gropes Leia. Possibly fake, but I hope to God it’s real. This photo of Chewbacca getting his furry oaf mitts on Leia has got to be one of the most fabulous things ever. Pray it doesn’t get taken down by the Extended Universe Secret Police.

MAVROMATIC - Color Changing Wall Paints. Hypercolor clothing made the 80’s worth suffering through. Now you can paint your walls with the same awesome thermodynamic effect as your old ragged t-shirts and Hammer pants. Trouble is, for the cost of the paint ($349/Gallon), you might as well papier-mâché C-notes all over your room.

Vending. A collection of absurd Japanese vending machines. Dig the live lobster dispenser halfway down on the left.

The Coca Cola Kimono Kostume. Ever been followed by a stalker/mugger/mother? Ever wanted to evade your pursuers with Batman, disappear-around-the-corner elegance? Well now you can quickly turn from harmless pedestrian into Coca Cola vending machine!

Puppy Swallows knife, humans screw Darwin out of the W. A Saint Bernard puppy managed to swallow a 13-inch serrated knife, sit on it’s ass for four days, and then have the thing removed…Fucking Florida.

Fallen Fruit is a site dedicated to mapping the locations of free food grown by cooperating private citizens. Brilliant, until someone starts growing a razor-blade apple tree just to be a fucker.

Solar handbag lights up contents. My girlfriend (love her!), like every other woman I’ve ever known, has a purse habit. The thing I understand the least, is that regardless of how many separate compartments her purse may have, everything goes into one stylish, portable pile. Well some circus animal in the UK has built a purse with electroluminescent lining, so at least now Elizabeth’s pile of modern female essentials will be slightly easier to root through.

So after swallowing my fear and dialing the phone, I’m glad to say that things with Elizabeth are on the right track back to awesometown. In honor of how much better I feel, dig the great comic delivered to me by BGM: