Work(ing Title)

It’s only 32 days away, and it’s time to get prepared! Everyone start working on your costume ideas. I don’t necessarily mean absurdly huge productions, but get a good idea and, simple or not, execute it well.

If you’re going to be a pirate for example, stop shaving your body immediately. I know this may be difficult to grasp for you ladies, but this is the level of commitment required. Find yourself a ratty tunic and spend one night a week sweating in it and spilling rum down your front. Be sure to let the rum out of your mouth during the last week in order to get the stink/stain on your chin. Next, find a spray bottle and fill it with salt water. Spritz yourself with this ’sea spray’ after you shower every other day. This will give your skin the desired texture and smell.

How about if you want to be a ghost? Most critical here is keep your sun exposure to an absolute minimum, as no one ever bought the idea of a bronzed spirit. Rid yourself of all nail polish and gradually claw at the dirt as the days go by, thereby building up a perfectly mature level of digital disgust. Get your hands on a used formal outfit (people dying in their pajamas is horseshit) and begin to ‘vintage’ it. I recommend laying the outfit on bare earth and covering it with rocks, preferably of a size no greater than a fist. Now pull the outfit out from under the stones, allowing them to tear at the fabric and drive a certain level of dirt into the clothing. Do this repeatedly and be sure to flip it over each time you do this, otherwise you won’t have a uniformed treatment.

I have other ideas on costumes, parties, and activities. I’ll keep posting as I flesh them out. Everyone get psyched, this year is gonna be wicked awesome!

Don’t worry, that post title is only German for, “The Electoral College The.”

David S. Bennahum, whom I’ve never heard of, has posted some highlights from a talk of his on the need for, “abolishing the electoral college.” Scary data I say. ACHTUNG!

Is this dvd player from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away? Does Lando lend his name to cheap hi-fi components? Has the whole world gone crazy?

Wow, it’s such a beautiful day here at school. Thank God the Roach Coach is here to ruin it.

What are we? From the new additions to the pen selection here at work, it would appear that we are all Rainbow Bright/My Little Pony superfans. However, I don’t remember interviewing and being told, “You’re really going to love it here! We all use these flaming glitter pens with giant Liberacci letters on them!”

We are men and women and we have differences. I seem to remember the girls my age using pens like these…when I was twelve!! I suppose the addition of these pens has upped the juvenile estrogen levels, and it is up to me to balance things out. I will be installing the shooting range behind the store this afternoon, so bring your camoflague fellas.